6 Red Flags to look out for when first starting datingBy Relationshiplab • Sep 11th, 2008 • Category: Dating
When you are starting a new relationship it’s very important not to rush. Take your time and get to know the other person. If you notice a red flag, don’t ignore it, investigate further. This is not to say that you should go around being suspicious and looking for negative things about your date. Rather, just keep an open mind and don’t let your feelings rush your decisions.
I’m often asked what are some of the top red flags to look out for. Specifically, what should people be on the lookout for regarding their new dates? As a result, I’ve put together a list of the top six red flags to look for so that everyone can avoid making any costly mistakes.
6. Self absorbed- are they constantly talking about themselves, to the point of never listening to you? Do you find yourself never being able to get in a word edge-wise? Are they constantly looking in the mirror or bragging about their accomplishments or how much they are admired? If so, leave them to their mirror- they will never love you more than themselves.
5. Cheap- this doesn’t mean just cheap with money, but also cheap with time and attention. That doesn’t mean your date should treat your extravagantly, but if they never offer to pay or you always seem to be on the bottom of their to-do list pecking order, maybe it’s time to call this one off.
4. Incongruent behavior- if your date tells you they are attracted to you and like you, but don’t pick up the phone or call you back, then that is an example of incongruent behavior. Incongruent behavior refers to actions or body language which is different than what is spoken. If your date tells you one thing, but you are seeing something else, it might be a good time to cut your losses.
3. Avoidant behavior- been dating for a month and still haven’t met any of his/her friends? Refuses to talk about family or reveal any personal information? Avoids your friends? These are example of avoidant behavior and shows that the person has something to hide. Your policy is to avoid these avoiders.
2. Any displays of temper- this could be physical or verbal and it can be directed at you or someone else. Obviously you should never date someone who is physically or verbally abusive. But also look for other clues to a bad temper- constantly bad mouthing ex lovers or friends or acquaintances. It’s normal to have some bitterness at a disappointing relationship, but if your date constantly talks about the flaws of others while maintaining that he or she is never wrong, you need to get out before the wrath falls on you. Here’s a clue- if there’s a pattern to the way your date’s previous relationships ended, that’s a good indication of what will happen with yours.
1. Rude behavior/lack of manners- obviously you don’t want to date someone who is rude to you and doesn’t care about your feelings. However, take a look at the way your date treats other people, especially service industry workers, such as waiters/waitresses and bartenders. Do they treat them with respect or with disdain? How do they treat the other people around them? Are they kind and willing to help or are they gruff and intolerant of weakness?
Take a good look at this list and keep your mind open as you get to know your date. Being mindful of these red flags will help you avoid a lot of problems later on down the line.