A diatribe about fake pick up gurusBy Relationshiplab • Feb 8th, 2010 • Category: For Men
I’m sure a lot of guys reading this site are familiar with what’s called the “pick up” community. Basically this is an informal scene, mostly organized over the net of “experienced” guys (i.e. experienced with women) instructing less experienced guys how to pick up and have sex with the hottest models on the planet, but only usually if the neophyte pays up lots of money to his experienced guru (otherwise known as mPUA, or Master Pick Up Artist). How these “Masters” are defined and what constitutes objective proof of “mastery” is indeed a mystery, but they seem to have all the answers on saving any random loser from a lifetime of virginity. So what’s the deal with this whole PUA community? Here’s my analysis.
First a little history. The kernels of this whole scene originate from a website called “Fast Seduction” in the late 90s. At this point, there was a guy called “Mystery” from Toronto who was a shy geek magician who dissected the clear path to a woman’s vagina and published his field reports and analysis on the FS message boards. Later on, in the early to mid 90s a shy, virginal journalist from Rolling Stone called Neil Strauss was intrigued by all of these internet postings and decided to write a book about it. He took a boot camp course from Mystery, called himself “Style”, spent a few years obsessed with getting into any woman’s panties and then published “The Game” about his exploits in 2005. This book popularized some of the personages in this scene and eventually guys like Mystery became mini-celebrities, appearing on late night take shows and hosting “The Pick Up Artist” on VH1.
Ok, that’s a brief rundown, but here comes the essence of my analysis. I can’t say much about Mystery in particular, except for the fact that he was portrayed as an unstable lunatic in “The Game”, but for all I know he is passionate about and believes in his techniques and probably does get laid quite a bit, albeit mostly with Russian strippers, it seems. Anyone who tries as hard as he does is bound to have some success. Putting that aside, however, I’d like to focus on some of the claims made in this scene, the kinds of products hawked over the net, and the kinds of people who buy into the products.
As long readers of this site know, I am quite familiar with a lot of the material in the scene and I have no problem with someone trying to improve themselves to get girls. Or vice versa, for girls to get guys, for that matter. I’ve even written an article defending the typical “pua” as someone who is generally just trying to improve himself. However, at this point whatever common sense techniques that work have already been presented and beaten to death ad nauseum and the only stuff left is a bunch of bs meant to sell shady products to naive, unsuspecting customers. Yes, the whole pua community has devolved into a lame get rich quick real estate seminar.
I took an hour to review some old material I had stored on my hard drive. In one video, some guy Rick was on stage, trying to sell some crap to a seminar audience. He was asked if he ever had a threesome, and his reply was “sure, having a threesome or foursome is easier than getting laid with one woman.” This smug reply was greeted by ooh and aahs from the mesmerized audience. Of course, this is complete BS. Having sex with two or three girls is NOT easier than having sex with one, nor is it entirely desirable, since it is less intimate and personal. At any rate, people “in the know” call women who are willing to have a threesome with another man and woman a “unicorn” because a sane, normal woman who is interested in such a thing is as rare as a unicorn, get it? This guy may have had some luck achieving such a thing, and believe me it is POSSIBLE, especially if you hang out in certain night clubs, but to assert that it is easier or more probable is total bs and is designed to impress a naive, vulnerable audience. The fact that such an audience would even believe such baseless hype just goes to show that the audience members probably have had very little success getting even one single woman in bed, which leads to my analysis of typical pua customers later on in this review. When the moderator asked Rick again how many threesomes he’s ever had, his reply was “you mean this week?” OK, only rock stars, pro athletes, famous actors and other such celebrities and drug dealers can answer the question this way… unless the guy is having a threesome with same two women. But different threesomes with different women occurring multiple times throughout the week? This guy is just another lame, arrogant salesman trying to sell his crap to a bunch of pansies. Enough said. I could go on and on… but I will let this serve as an example for all the tons of other mindless bs that is being preached under the banner of “PUA Training.”
Next- the typical customer. Look, I don’t begrudge the nerdy kid next door trying to better himself to get girls. That’s what self-improvement is all about- improving yourself to achieve what you want in life. And most of the guys have really good intentions- they are looking for a better social life. But there’s a nasty, dark side missing in all of this. What a lot of the sales people in this scene push is a system for men to have unlimited sex with an unlimited supply of top-shelf women of their choosing. And such a thing is not realistic. The sad truth of the matter is that most of the guys who are consumers of the PUA marketing material are guys who have a lot of issues besides just being shy. Most of them have never been socialized because they never had strong fathers to serve as role models or teach them about women. Most of their fathers were either gone or uninvolved or simply just pussies and wimps who were hen-pecked by their wives. How is a young boy supposed to learn about being a man from such a weakling father? So, what we have is a nation of young boys who grow into adolescence and young adulthood not knowing how to be men or how to interact with the opposite sex. With this inner void comes a social shame that manifests itself in an inability to form close, intimate relationships with women. As a result, they are a perfect target market for the sales professionals in the PUA scene who pitch the idea of having numerous superficial relationships with superficial women, consisting of superficial nightclub conversations and superficial sex. If it’s all superficial, it’s there by design- there’s nothing in the inside. Is there anything wrong with wanting to have sex with lots of hot women? No. What guy would say no to that? But when it’s an obsessive drive that masks the inability to experience true intimacy, then you have a problem. And most of the guys in this community are so wounded, it’s as if they have a gaping hole in their heads with blood streaming out. Except the wounds are on the inside. As an aside, I once saw a video where a PUA guru admitted on stage that he is constantly looking for new women because, as he put it, he “sucks at sex”, which he later revealed to mean that he has premature ejaculation and women don’t come back for seconds after he finally gets them in bed. Hence, he is constantly on the lookout for more. If that isn’t a case in support of my thesis, I don’t know what is.
Bottom line- as with anything, there is something good mixed with the bad. It is a good thing to try to improve your self-esteem, your conversation skills, and your lot with women. But unfortunately, as it is now, the PUA scene has devolved into a bunch of slick marketing sharks pitching their bs wares to a bunch of sick, vulnerable individuals. I’ll think I’ll pass.