Q & A- Women’s Biggest Complaints about Men AnsweredBy Relationshiplab • Jul 9th, 2009 • Category: For Women
I get a lot of questions in my inbox from readers of the site and most of them are actually from female readers. Just as is usually the case in real life, people’s biggest problems are usually mostly or even completely self-created. Often the problem isn’t with the other person, but rather with our own expectations and with the way we react to the outside world when it doesn’t go the way we expect it will. Listed below are some of the top complaints that women have about men in dating, taken both from the readers of this site as well as what I hear in my daily life, along with explanations about what is really going on and how to resolve the problem.
1. He never calls when he says he will; he doesn’t call again after the first date; why do guys just disappear… etc… – Let’s cut right to the chase on this one. If a guy doesn’t aggressive pursue a woman, whether by calling her or flaking on dates or whatever, 98% of the time he is just not that interested. And the other 2% is because he is completely clueless and doesn’t know what to do with women. If the guy seems like he has a clue, you can scratch that and safely assume that you are just not one of his priorities.
2. All guys are only after one thing (sex)- Here’s another one that can be answered with a cold, hard dose of reality. Yes, men are interested in sex; highly interested. But so are women. The difference is that men are wired to hunt after sex as a priority, while women prioritize other things such as connection and togetherness along with the sex. But before you go on thinking that men are pigs who are only looking for one thing, you must realize that the drive for sex is merely an initial instinct. Men want relationships too but don’t start thinking about having a relationship with a woman until they start to see “relationship qualities” in a woman, such as intelligence, sense of humor, and engaging personality. Unless a woman is able to present herself as relationship material to a man, his relationship instincts will not kick in and he will only be pursuing his initial instinct- sex. If you find yourself constantly dealing with men who only want sex from you, then it’s not an issue with the men. The issue could be a) you are making yourself seem too sexually available, b) you have a boring, dry personality, c) you lack intelligence to carry an interesting conversation, d) you come across as having a materialistic agenda, or e) something else which makes men decide that you are not worthy of a relationship. Men push for sex with women who they are not interested in long-term and push for connection with women with whom they are. It’s as simple as that.
3. All men are terrified of commitment and won’t commit- Although due to biological and evolutionary reasons, men are less likely to be interested in monogamy than women (i.e. women look for stability because they carry the child, men are wired to spread their “seed”, etc, etc), the cold hard truth is that most men, especially in Western Industrialized Nations are avoiding commitment and/or marriage due to previous horrible experiences that they, family member or friends have had in the past. Too many men have been burned financially and emotionally by divorces and tend to view the legal system sceptically as being biased towards women. No fault divorce laws in most states has made a divorce even easier to obtain and many men have found themselves in a situation where they lost much of their savings due to “no fault” of their own. The treacheries of marriage is such a prevalent meme in male culture that many men are even choosing to completely abstain from marriage throughout their lives. Until this situation is evened out in our legal system, you can expect many men to continue to be “scared” of commitment.
4. Men just don’t know how to communicate/share their feelings- This is actually an area where men lag significantly behind women. It is due to a combination of biology and socialization that many men are not in touch with or are scared to show their emotions and tend to have less overall communication and social skills than women. If you find yourself with such a man, there is little you can do to change him unless he is highly motivated to change himself, and even then it may take therapy with a qualified professional to get results. So stop beating your head up against the wall. And for other men who aren’t emotionally stunted, they may be withdrawing as a way to deal with their negative feelings towards the relationship. It is well documented that while women tend to demonstrate their discontent verbally by nagging or confronting, men tend to withdraw by stonewalling. So if you have a man who suddenly doesn’t seem to want to communicate about anything, check to see how you are responding to him- perhaps his behavior is as a response to you.
5. Men don’t seem to know how to please me in bed- The sad truth of the matter is that most men (like women) aren’t very good in bed. That’s because good sex often doesn’t just happen naturally and people get confused when it doesn’t occur like it’s supposed to in the pornos. The truth is that men respond sexually differently than women- men fantasize visually more and respond more to feelings of dominance while women are more interested in how she is feeling overall and the entire overall experience. As a result, men are naturally inclined to misunderstand what women respond to and approach the experience doing what they think would feel good to themselves. Due to a) lack of education, b) stupid machismo in not wanting to admit a problem and c) women not demanding or explaining what they want (i.e. faking orgasms), men continue down their path of lousy sex, giving the women of the world a generally unsatisfactory and unfulfilling experience.
There are plenty more complaints I will address in subsequent articles. Have more complaints? Share them by writing in to the site.