Trust your gut instinctsBy Relationshiplab • Mar 18th, 2009 • Category: Dating
Have you ever been in a relationship where something just didn’t feel right, where something was just off? Did you try to rationalize it, come up with reasons why your gut feeling was wrong, that everything was actually quite perfect and you were destined to be with your partner, that he or she is just the embodiment of perfection? Well, how did that work out for you? Either that relationship is long dead and over with or you are still in it, feeling worse than ever. Which is probably how you found this site in the first place.
There are different levels of thought. There is conscious and subconscious thought. There are different levels of conscious thought and subconscious thought, but let’s just focus on conscious and subconscious as the focus of this article. Subconscious thought deals with the thought process below the surface of that which we are willing to admit to ourselves- this is the world of dreams, gut instincts and sudden, creative inspiration. Conscious thought, for our purposes, applies to the stream of dialogue that occurs in our heads.
There are some areas where conscious thought is absolutely productive and essential for us to achieve or overcome a problem- for example, making a logical deduction, creating and testing a scientific hypothesis or explaining something rational to another person. However, in many cases, conscious thought fails us miserably. You see, as a byproduct of our inner dialogue, conscious thought is rife with the misconceptions, biases, and lies that we tell ourselves. For example. such thoughts as “I’m not good enough”, “that outcome would be terrible” and “things have to be this way” are all things we tell ourselves and then those distortions affect the rest of our inner dialogue detrimentally.
As another example, let’s suppose you have been told over and over from a young age by your parents that you should be married and have a family by age 30. As you approach this age, this becomes a part of your inner dialogue since this has evolved into one of your ingrained beliefs. As a result, this faulty thinking will pervade all of your inner dialogue and strongly affect all of your decision making, not necessarily positively. As a demonstration of negative consequences, let’s say you find yourself in a lukewarm relationship with someone you don’t truly love just as you are approaching 30 and your gut instincts start telling you something is wrong. However, since your gut instincts come from subconscious thought you shift into conscious thought to try to understand your feelings. This is where you fall into a grievous mistake. Your conscious thought is where all of your jumbled up, completely messed up and mixed up thoughts lie and then they start looking for rational sense out of things. And this is what happens- you were told at a young age that you should be married by 30, so your inner dialogue tells you that you must get married, your gut instinct battles that and tells you something is wrong, your inner dialogue steps in and tells you how awful it would be to be single and unloved at an old age, you cringe in fear, but still your instincts are on red alert, then your inner dialogue says that you don’t deserve true happiness and who’s to say what true happiness is anyway, then you realize that in your gut you are unhappy, but your mind tricks you into thinking that you are wrong for feeling this way since your partner is such a great person with a good personality… but yeah, something is missing… but surely it must be me, and I’m surely guilty of thinking such bad thoughts about such a great person as my partner… but what if I find I don’t love them when we are married, I don’t want to get divorced…. then logic comes in and says would you rather be single and lonely? Then… then, you say screw it, I’m not getting any younger, I’m gonna marry this person.
Then you’ve just made the single biggest mistake of your life.
And it was all because of the silly inner dialogue, full of faulty thinking, that talked you into it.
Remember, your gut instinct is telling you something for a reason. Learn to trust it. At the very least, take a step back and look at it properly objectively without trying to hammer it back to submission. You’ll be much happier that you did.