What to do if your partner makes vacation plans without you

By • Feb 16th, 2010 • Category: For Couples

Situation: The person you have been dating for 1.5 years is organizing a “Girls Only” (or substitute “Boys Only”) trip to an exotic land, and obviously since you are a member of the opposite sex, you are not invited. What do you do?

Answer: If you are in a committed relationship, i.e. one that has lasted for over a year, is more or less exclusive, co-habitating or leading towards, and with some thought toward the future, then you have to wonder why your honey actually wants to go anywhere without you on a trip, especially somewhere that will produce lots of memories and adventure like a foreign trip. See, here’s the thing: If your partner is focused on you, then they will want to create a life WITH you. They wouldn’t want to have a separate life with separate memories and experiences. No, they would want to create a shared life with you. So, as a result, here’s Relationship Lab Axiom #457: If your partner is making travel plans without you, they are making life plans without you.

It bears repeating:


What does “life plans” mean? That’s a good question. But perhaps they haven’t been completely forthright with you. Who knows, maybe there’s another lover in the picture or they are looking for one. Either way, it’s not a good sign.

I personally have seen this situation played out with some people I know. In some cases the people who went on this gender only trip were engaged to be married. My advice for the other people in these relationships? Cancel the engagement and don’t look back. And consider yourself lucky to have missed a big bullet.

9 Responses »

  1. After being in a 4 year relationship and finding that my soon-to-be-ex boyfriend within the last 4 months has taken several trips without me as well as making plans for an epic trip to Thailand next year…minus me…and coincidently is telling me that when he’s away or at a party I don’t ‘need to know’ whom he is with and what he’s doing… this article certainly is timely and it’s time for me to pull the plug on the relationship. Thank you!

  2. Get this….afta inviting me on more than one ocassion on a trip to Iceland mentioning that “we’d have so much fun” my ‘partner’ of a year, whom I’ve had doubts about in the exclusivity dept-just planned that trip during a time when I cldnt possibly go, tells me more or less afta the fact, and then afta the fact invites me to come if I can! LOLOL! Insult to injury-As for gender-only: we’re both women! Wow!!! I’m done-removing the “sucker” sign from my back & forehead. Thanks for posting this. I want to be with someone who actually wants to share those kin of memories with me. I’m actually thankful though-thankful that it’s only been one year and not two & that her actions afford me the opportunity to understand who she really is no matter how many “I love you’s” she serves up.
    Dueces, I’m Out!

  3.   We were supposed to be going to Paris in three weeks.  Instead I got an email from him saying he was having lunch on Sunday under the Eiffel tower with his friend Richard  So hurt and he let me know how much he actually cared about me by not even saying a word or even making a single attempt to work things out.  Can’t believe I fell for such a self centered ass

  4. My gf has a little boy, a good job and loves travelling. Although she has always invited me she has no hesitation in going alone if For any reason i can’t or don’t want to go. I never liked the feeling that left me with for much of the reasons in the post.

    After a few years (her boy now being 7) she one day slipped into a conversation that she was not having any more kids – even though she knows I do want. This devastated me and continued to cause problems (with her refusing to talk about it).

    After a few years of endless attempts at breaking up with her she keeps begging and fighting to get back together(often using her son against me because of the relationship I built with him).

    It’s taken me to some very dark places, I love her very much, but she is clearly living life for herself regardless of my needs and feelings. This post helps me focus on some fundamental issues. It’s now up to me to plan my own life- without her. Many thanks

  5. Wow. This was clearly written by someone incredibly insecure. If you love and trust each other, you should be able to go on vacations separately. They dedicate 51 weeks a year to you, and you can’t handle them having one without????

  6. Lets be realistic here guys, it all depends in what kind of vacation your partner it’s going. If he or she is going away to visit family or to see a old friend it’s totaly fine. But if your loved one its planing a wild vacation to Vegas, Ibiza or carnaval it’s clear that they don’t care about how you feel. I can honestly say with my own experience If you really love somebody you don’t want to do those type of occasions without them at all. Listen guys I’ve been divorced over this and please follow my advice if you’re loved one ever tells you they going one of those type of vacations break up with them. We all need our time Alone vut Seriously we got across the line somewhere. If you don’t want to break up just go ahead and do the same in return to d book a vacation on your own and go live your life And let them make to the decision.

  7. Fernando, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve just broken up with my partner. We had other issues I.e communication problems, but his desire to go on a second overseas trip with his best mate & without me, was the last straw.

    Back in December his mother was ill with cancer and I offered to pay for his flight to travel back home and see her. His employer was happy for him to take the time off work and they were still going to pay him. I encouraged him to travel alone in this instance. If he wanted my emotional support, I would have also dropped everything to go, if that is what he wanted. He declined everyone’s generosity, and to this day, still hasnt visited his ill mother.

    But now his mate wants to go away again (probably Thailand again), he’s happy to go and even destroy our relationship, because I made it clear to him that I want to be the couple who go on overseas holidays and share our lives together. I’m devastated that we have broken up and that he doesn’t love me, but hopefully I will now have the opportunity to meet someone who shares my values.

    Life and love can be very challenging and hurtful at times. I appreciate the articles on this website. They are providing me with great comfort during this sad time.

  8. Amanda & Fernando, I also agree with you. I feel the same way about sharing my life with a partner and travelling together and experiencing the same thing.
    If a boyfriend/girlfriend wants to go to Thailand without you, that’s a HUGE warning sign!
    Just research why men want to go there and you’ll see..

    Also, why does a guy keep saying “I’ as in, I want to go here and there, and I want to buy a place etc. instead of “we” in a relationship. I just hate that when they do this, it’s like they haven’t thought about building a life together.

  9. HE broke up with me on May 26, 2014. then we saw each other on June3 because of a friends birthday. after that, we never had contact. he never tried to contact me in any way. i tried ignoring him but slipped on June 11, i messaged him on facebook, he didnt reply. i was so close to finishing the NO-CONTACT rule, but i slipped again and sent him another message on July 3. during the time apart, he never tried to contact me, even for once. and i hear from somewhere that he likes this girl. and i can see it on facebook, they keep posting on each others wall, and it just breaks my heart. the reason he broke up with me, (the reason he told me, that is) was because he doesnt love me anymore . I decide that only hope I love spell. I found good feedback about this website http://magical-rituals.com and I give it a chance. I was truly surprised that he approaching me about our future. I tell you that, after one week we were together. Once again I know what happiness taste.

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