When do you know you should leave a relationship?

By • Jul 23rd, 2008 • Category: Breakups, For Couples

I often speak to people who are having some difficulties with their relationship and are on the fence whether to stay or leave.  People often make a list of pros and cons, but that never really helps to completely decide. In the end, how do you know if a relationship is worth fighting for?

There are a lot of opinions about what comprises the most important characteristics of a successful relationship. These include love, trust and loyalty. All of these are important and absolutely essential for a healthy relationship. However, people often get tripped up with these terms and still make wrong decisions. For example, how do you exactly define “love”?  Is love the aching feeling of attachment that you feel for your partner. If so, then you may certainly love your partner, but that doesn’t mean you should stay in the relationship if it is not good for you. What about “trust” and “loyalty”, how are those terms defined? How do you really know if someone is loyal? You can say that they were loyal in the past, but how can you be sure that they will be loyal in the future? Also, we may experience varying degrees of trust for our partner over a course of time.  We may feel like we don’t trust our partner even though our partner has not given us any reason not to. In other words, “trust” and “loyal” are not static terms and often change depending on context.

When in doubt, the best way to judge a relationship is by how stable you feel in it. For example, you may have a lot of “love” in the relationship, but if you are constantly at each other’s throats arguing, then it isn’t a very good relationship is it? You may “trust” or be “loyal” to your partner, but if they have annoying habits or behaviors that upset your daily balance, then it’s not a good relationship either, is it? Conversely, you may have bouts of mistrust for your partner, but if you are communicating effectively, you can smooth them out and maintain the tranquility and stability of the relationship.

Regardless of any and all pros and cons you can think of regarding your relationship, the final metric of a quality relationship is how stable it makes your life and how likely it is to continue to be stable in the future.

4 Responses »

  1. love for me mean that i have to take care my partner i feel that if he have any problem i have to resolve it olso i like to see him several time at the sme week but he dont because he alwys have financial problems so he cant be commited with me although he didnt spent money for us we make any meet at home i love to be with him any any wher but he just like to be with me when he have no problems or when he feel that he become in good mood he always afraid from lost me this make him away most times i sware i will be beside him even he met any problem please help me save my relation ship i love him i want him beside me i want to be his mother,sister and lover

  2. It sounds like you are being a doormat. You are always available to him and he knows he can have you whenever he wants. Stand up for yourself and demand equal treatment in the relationship. Set your boundaries and you’ll see a big difference in his behavior.

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