You love your guy, but you haven’t been able to reach an orgasm

By • Sep 23rd, 2008 • Category: For Women

I often get questions regarding some sort of sexually-related frustrations both from couples and singles. For something that should be so pleasurable, there is a lot of anxiety out there surrounding this act. One of the most frequent questions in this regard is from women who are either a) having trouble orgasming with their partner or b) have never orgasmed before. In this article I will address this particular situation, with some insight into why this may be occurring and what can be done about it.

First, I’m not a medical doctor but I am very confident that most, if not virtually all women are capable of having strong, powerful orgasms even if they have NEVER had an orgasm before.  There are several key reasons for why you may have trouble climaxing:

1. Mental block (subconscious discomfort with partner)- sex is probably 80% mental.  If you have been having sex with your guy for a while, but still have not been able to climax, it may be a sign that you are not mentally with him. You may not have enough trust or comfort with him to feel like you can completely let go and be in the moment. As a result, you may be feeling tense about sex with your partner even though you think that you are completely compatible and in love with him. In my experience, sexual difficulties with a partner is a first sign of mental discord regarding the relationship.

2. Inexperienced partner- this is particularly true if this is one of your first partners and you are relatively inexperienced yourself. Someone who is not familiar with female anatomy, does not know where the g-spot is and does not take his time arousing the woman is not someone who will be able to bring out and develop her sexuality.  I wouldn’t be surprised if less than 10% of men actually know what they were doing in bed- largely stemming from ignorance and intellectual laziness- which leads to a lot of women going from one relationship to another still completely unaware of how powerful their sexuality can be if unleashed.

3. Hangups from adolescence- often when women find that they cannot even reach climax when they masturbate, that is an indication of some kind of hangup that they have from childhood, either from religious dogma or parents or other authority figures instilling a belief about sex being bad or dirty.  If you find yourself in this situation, relax and understand that sex is very natural and healthy. An understanding partner will help you to work through your beliefs and help to build trust and comfort as he helps you to get more in tune with your body and sensations, until your are finally able to reach climax.

I, personally, have had several partners who had either had tremendous difficulty having orgasms or had never been able to do so at all prior to meeting me, and I was able to help them achieve climax, then increase their intensity and volume, until the women became EXTREMELY orgasmic. As a result, I am CONVINCED that difficulties climaxing are a direct result of one of the above three scenarios, and can be easily remedied with the proper mindset and understanding and a loving, patient partner.

As always, being truthful with yourself and having good communication with your partner is the key. Think about whether or not you feel you can truly relax with your partner, and if you can’t think about the reasons why. Communicate them with your partner if you feel it is something that can be changed. If you have an inexperienced partner, be patient and try to demonstrate what you need him to do in order for you to reach climax. If you don’t know what you like and have never been able to reach climax, ask yourself what kind of beliefs you have had instilled in your childhood, what kind of negative associations do you have with sex? Confronting these demons may be painful at first, but will help you to finally relax and enjoy your sexuality.

Important note: Ladies, never, ever, EVER fake your orgasms with a committed partner. It will only create awful habits. The reasons are many fold:

1. The man will think he is pleasuring you and will never take the time to learn how to be better. As a result he will ignorantly continue to make the same mistakes both with you and other women.

2. You will never get the pleasure you want because you’ve got the guy thinking he’s a champion even though you’re not really experiencing as much pleasure as you’d like.

3. Faking orgasms will eliminate the possibility of having open communication with your partner. How are you going to tell your partner you’re not getting what you want?  Admit that you’ve been faking your orgasms this whole time?  How will that make him feel? Is this the right way to lead a relationship?

Ladies, remember, the correct mindset and open communication is the key. Don’t fake your orgasms- honesty will set you free. You, like countless other women are able to climax powerfully, even multiple times.  Assess your mindset, eliminate negative beliefs, truthfully evaluate your relationship with your partner, and learn what you enjoy and how to communicate it.


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